Dear Bean – August 10, 2011

Hey there, my little Bean!

Remember me, your Dad? Truth is I’ve been silent for a while, neglecting my duty of passing along some fatherly advice. Sure, much of that time has been spent preparing our home for you, but that’s no excuse. I know that I need to take advantage of this time and do my best to impart some wisdom before you arrive. So let’s get back at it, shall we?

One of many hopes I have for you, Little One, is that you learn to be satisfied with who you are. Be comfortable in your own skin. Love the gifts you are given. Embrace the weaknesses as well as your strengths, because they all help to make you you.

You’ll find that so many people never get there. They always want what they don’t have, and live their lives trying to compensate for it. They search for reasons not to like who they are. And all too often it robs them of their happiness. It’s a sad way to live, so do your best not to fall into that trap.

Instead, be content. Be confident. Be joyful in the way you are because it is just the way you were meant to be. Sure, you can always work to make yourself stronger, smarter, more beautiful. But know if you’re not happy with who you are before, you won’t be happy with who you are after. And always know that your Mother and I will love you for all that you are.

Always,
Dad

Dear Bean – July 13, 2011

Dear Bean,

Contrary to popular belief, I am not trying to turn you into a tomboy. Just one more tip from boy world, and then I promise we can get back to the frilly stuff.

So here it is:

Do yourself a favor and let your Old Man teach you how to throw a football.

I’m serious. Few things are more impressive than a girl who can through a tight spiral. Your Mother is a great example. The woman can toss a football better than many guys I know. Just one of a million reasons I love her. And you will too.

The truth is I’ll love you too, Beanette, whether you can throw a football or not. But that doesn’t mean we won’t head out to the back yard for some lessons when you get a little older. Mark my word: I’ll have you ready for Powderpuff in no time.

Love,
Dad

 

Dear Bean – July 12, 2011

Dear Beaner,

Time for some more sage advice. It may not be the most interesting subject matter for a girl, but learning your way around an automobile is a must. Seem a little premature? Not at all. The way I see it, you’ve got 16 years of grooming before you take the keys, so make the most of it. Sure, early in life cars are just a reason to avoid playing in the street and the way to get to Grandma’s house. But someday, little Bean, you may very well be sitting behind the wheel of one of those contraptions. And at that point in time, you’d better know the difference between a tire gauge and a fuel gauge.

It's never too early to start learning!

Why is this so important that I would give you this advice so far in advance? I knew a girl when I was in college – and a very kind, sweet, and even intelligent girl – who did not know how to open the hood of her own car. I remember this because this girl needed to take the car into the dealership when her windshield wiper fluid ran out, not having the first clue about how to fix the problem herself.

I don’t say this to make fun of my old friend (though I quite honestly may have at the time). In fact, I put the majority of the blame for this laughable event on her Dad, not her. The truth is he should have been the one showing her the basics of car ownership and maintenance long before she ever got behind the wheel.

I can promise you that we will have little crash courses before I hand the keys over to you at age 16. You’ll know your way around an automobile when you start driving. And someday — maybe when you find yourself stuck on the side of the road with a flat and you remember that you know how to change it yourself — you’ll thank me for it. You’re welcome in advance.

 

Love,
Dad

Dear Bean – June 26, 2011

Dear Bean,

As I mentioned in my last letter, I (a boy) am in a unique position to share some vital knowledge with you (not a boy). All that frilly girly stuff you’ll learn from your Mother. And that’s important. But as revolting as it may sound to you right now, I can teach you a few things about the world of boys that will turn you into a more knowledgeable and well-rounded young lady. Pay attention, Beaner, and it will pay huge dividends down the road.

The first thing you need to know is baseball. Baseball is America’s pass time, and last I checked, America is full of boys and girls. It only makes sense, then, that you know how the game is played. Now, just to be clear, I’m not saying you need to be able to identify a balk or know how to score a double play (although that would be mighty impressive and would probably even show up a few of your male peers). I’m not even saying you need to be able to play baseball. Although you can if you want — Softball is certainly acceptable too, and perhaps more gender appropriate.

Either way, there is no doubt that you should be able tell anyone who asks how many balls and strikes a batter gets, how many outs per inning, and how many innings per game. You should be able to tell left field from right, and name all the positions. Save yourself some embarrassment and know what the “bull pen” is. Just the basics. That’s it. And I can promise you that knowing just that much will make you look brilliant and will make baseball interesting for you to watch with your Old Man.

But here is the thing about baseball: the more you learn, the more the game peels back like an onion, revealing the layers of strategy and history beneath. And at some point, it becomes so much more than boys swinging sticks at balls. It becomes an exciting game of skill and gamesmanship and sometimes just dumb luck. That, and other boys will think you’re pretty freaking awesome for knowing so much about baseball. On second thought, maybe the basics are enough. But if you choose to dive a little deeper to learn more, I’ll always be there to help. If not, that’s ok too. Just humor me and never ask what quarter the game is in.

Oh and one more thing, Beanette. You are a Detroit Tigers fan. Not a Yankees fan. Not a White Sox fan. And certainly not a Cubs fan. You’re no lovable loser! Keep that in mind, and I’ll look forward to getting you your very own glove and Tigers jersey (not one of those girly pink ones, mind you) and taking you to your first game. It will be just one of many Daddy-Daughter dates. Stick with me, kid, and you’ll be alright.

Go Tigers,
Dad

Dear Bean – June 23, 2011

Dear Beanette,

You will be happy to know that our family got the keys to our new digs this week. That means that your mother and I will be hard at work preparing the place for your arrival. Moving, cleaning, painting, decorating, coordinating; the whole shebang. Oh, and your mom is taking the lead on your room, so I hope you like purple. You’ll love it, I promise.

Now for the advice: I hate to be the one to break it to you, Baby K., but from the moment you are born you will be bombarded with a boatload of rules and guidelines and expectations we adults like to call gender roles. Gender roles are like a recipe the world has created on how you should behave as a girl. For example, the world will tell you that you should wear skirts and braids and should be gentle in nature. Full of sugar and spice and everything nice. And of course you must love shoes and all things pink. And boys have their own set of rules; according to our culture, they should be rough and tumble and über competitive. Boys must prefer being covered in dirt and grime to being fresh and clean, and crying is definitely out for those of us with Y chromosomes. 

Well I’m here to tell you that although your Mom falls right in line with her shoe fetish, she hates pink and has just as much fire as she has sugar and spice. And I might be competitive, but I love to cook, and I am also kind of a sap. Don’t be surprised if over the years you see a few happy tears from your old man.

Simply stated, gender roles don’t always fit. Some people will take this statement to a logical extreme and tell you that gender roles are always bad. While it may be true that 1950s gender roles are outdated or stereotypical, and therefore hurtful to certain people, your Dad doesn’t subscribe to the extreme idea that all of today’s gender roles are bad. Especially when it comes from such enlightened (read: crazy) people. Sorry, how quickly I forget my last post. I’ll be better.

 

60 years ago girls couldn't exist without the help of boys. Good thing we've evolved.

 

Anyway, in my personal opinion, gender roles aren’t necessarily good nor bad across the board. We just need to be careful with how we create and apply them, and understand that they just don’t work for every person. 

But I digress. As you get older, Beaner, you will discover your very own set of talents and gifts and traits and nuances that all add up to make you who you are. Some of them will be the result of you being a girl, and some of them will wont. Not all will align with how the world tells you that you should look or act or feel, and it’s up to you to figure out what you want to do with that. And you know what? It’s OK if you say, “So what?” As your Dad, I feel I have the special privilege and responsibility of watching you grow and helping you to navigate these questions on your way to establishing who you are. It may be difficult at times, but it can also be a lot of fun and very rewarding.

I’ll wrap it up by saying that it is just fine to be a girly girl. Play with dolls, have tea-parties with your stuffed animals, dress up in your mom’s clothes. All that stuff. But there are also a few things that even the girliest of girls should know, despite what gender roles may tell you. Stay tuned, and I’ll go over a few of them in my next series of posts.

Love,
Dad

Dear Bean – June 13, 2011

Dear Bean,

I have such great news, it might literally blow your mind! Are you ready? Ok, here it is: God made you in His image. This is so exciting because it means He made you wonderful and beautiful and just the way you are supposed to be. It also means God considers you His child, just like your Mom and I do. That might be a little difficult to understand right now, but it’s true. And here’s the best part: because you are God’s child, you are worthy of love. All the time. No matter what. How great is that?!

But you know what else? Just as you are worthy of love, so is everyone else. That’s right, every person you ever meet was made in God’s image and deserves to be treated with love and kindness. No exceptions, even if they don’t agree with you, share with you, or act in a way that makes you want to love them. And even if they like Ohio State. We will talk about that later — clearly we have a lot to cover yet.

Here is something else that might blow your mind. Your Mom and I are not perfect. Sometimes we get upset and forget that other people are God’s children too. Sometimes we mess up and treat them in a way that is not loving or kind. We are working to be better at that every day, especially because we know you will be watching us. Want to know something? That scares me half to death. But I know that realizing that you are observing me and building your own habits will help me to be a better dad and an example to you.

For now, little one, know that you are to treat others like they are God’s children — which really makes them like your brothers and sisters. Thinking about it that way makes it a bit easier to do. While you do that, your Mom and I will show you all the love you were made to receive.

With so much of that love,
Dad

Dear Bean – June 1, 2011

Dear Beanette,

Turns out you are a precious little girl! Something in my gut told me you were. Incidentally your mother usually has much better intuition than I do, but her gut didn’t tell her anything except that it craved more Lucky Charms. So chalk one up for your dad! Anyway, we can’t wait to meet you!

So I have some more advice for you, little one. This one is going to come fast and furious, so get ready. Here we go.

Be a happy person, my baby girl. Happy people enjoy the simple things of life, like the smell of an old book, the sound of rain, or the little slice inside your orange with none of that icky stringy skin attached. You’ll come up with a list of your own personal favorites as you grow.

Cherish the good things around you, like your friends and family. Be adaptable. Bend with the wind, and adjust to the changes that come your way. Keep your eyes turned outward. Be aware, be kind, and be compassionate. Always have the capacity to love.

Do those things, and you will lead a happy life. That is what your mother and I hope for you.

With Love,
Dad

This is the day the Lord has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it. Psalm 118:24

Dear Bean – May 22, 2011

Dear Beaner,

There are two types of people in this world: those who peel their string cheese and those who just bite it right off the stick. Don’t be one of the latter. It’s just not as much fun.

Love,
Dad

P.S. You should know that your mom and I took a class this weekend that taught us all about how you will be born and what to expect after. While I can honestly tell you that I now know more about breastfeeding than one man should, I also know that we are both better equipped to care for you as a result. We are so excited to provide you with the best home we possibly can, and can’t wait to prove it to you!

Dear Bean – May 10, 2011

Dear Beaner,

To avoid injury, always remember to look both ways before crossing the street. Or crossing your mother.

Love,
Dad

Mother’s Day

Dear Bean,

Today was my first day celebrating being a Mommy-to-be! It was wonderful, and it made me want to meet you all the more! Each day my love for you grows enormous amounts, especially now when I feel your little love kicks inside me! Your Daddy got me the most wonderful gift, and a card that of course brought tears to my eyes. He gave me a new piece of wall decor to hang in our new house, and chose it with both you and I in mind. You Daddy is a very special man, and you will be so lucky to have him loving you.

Thank you hubby, for the most wonderful Mother’s Day gift! I can’t wait to hang it in our new house!!!

Love,

Mommy